Dear Katherine,

How do I celebrate Mother’s Day when I miss my own mom?

—Mary

My dearest Mary,

You asked how to celebrate Mother’s Day when you miss your mom.

There’s no right way. I’ve lived lifetimes without mine, and some years the day barely registers. Others, it knocks the breath out of me in the middle of something ordinary. That’s how grief works—quiet until it’s not.

You’re a mother now, too. Which means this day holds layers. You’re giving what you once received. Or maybe what you wish you had. Either way, that takes more strength than most people realize.

So honor her how you want to. Light a candle. Cook her favorite dish. Say something out loud that only she would understand. Or do nothing at all. You don’t need a ritual to prove she mattered.

And while you’re at it—let yourself be celebrated. Not just as a mother, but as a whole person still carrying love, memory, and meaning. Don’t vanish into the caretaking. You’re part of this day, too.

Missing her doesn’t need to be fixed. It just is. And if it hurts a little more this year, let it. That’s love, still living in you.

With all my wicked little heart,
Katherine 🖤