Dear Katherine,

I didn’t have the relationship with my mom that I wanted. How can I get over that?

—Allyson

My dearest Allyson,

You’re not alone in carrying something heavy when it comes to your mother.

Not everyone gets the kind of mother they needed. Some of us were raised by women who were sharp when we needed them to be soft. Absent when we needed to be held. And yet we still carry the weight of what could’ve been—what we hoped for, what never came.

Let me say this plainly: you don’t have to keep performing closeness that isn’t real. Not for tradition. Not for guilt. Not because someone told you “she did her best.” Maybe she did. Maybe she didn’t. Either way, you’re allowed to feel it all.

What matters now is what you need to heal. That might be distance. It might be boundaries. It might be letting yourself grieve the version of her you didn’t get.

And if anyone makes you feel guilty for that? Tell them Katherine said they can keep their neatly wrapped family myth to themselves.

With all my wicked little heart,
Katherine 🖤