Dear Katherine,

After being so kind to people who weren't as kind to me most of my life I'm finally learning to be kind to myself first and be my own best friend but I still overthink and feel bad when I put up boundaries. Any advice?

—Anonymous

My dearest Anonymous,

You’ve been letting anyone waltz into your life, even the ones spilling drinks on the carpet, and making sure they get what they need first. Now you’re finally playing bouncer, and that nagging bad feeling shows up. That’s just lag: the old you asking, “What about them?” while the new you asks, “What about me?”

Boundaries don’t make you cruel. They’re crowd control. They clear the clutter, guard your peace, and make space for the people who actually deserve a spot in your life. The ones who sulk at the velvet rope? They were never VIP.

And when your thoughts start to spiral, “Was I too much? Was I mean?” stop. Ask instead: “Did I consider what I want and need?” If the answer is yes, you’ve already done it right.

Darling, being your own best friend isn’t selfish. It’s your new VIP policy, and you’re the one holding the list.

With all my wicked little heart,
Katherine 🖤